Welcome

There is so much I want to say and I am overwhelmed trying to figure out how to say it. But the first part is, welcome and thank you so much for being here. This website is something I have wanted to do for years, but never had the courage or confidence to do. I have never quite felt comfortable enough in myself to become immersed in a creative community. I watch them bloom around me while I have struggled to accept, and even label myself as an artist. That’s a title I thought needed to be earned, and I did not have confidence in my work. I constantly thought to myself, ‘I am not an artist because I am not good enough.’

I wanted to create a safe space to share bits of myself with the world. Because I struggled to even label myself as an artist, sharing my art has been beyond difficult for me. I dreaded the question, “Can I see your art?” Classroom critiques are an insane source of anxiety for me. I was embarrassed and uncomfortable more than anything, because what is art these days if not the vulnerability of the artist. Sharing your art - to me at least - is like exposing yourself bare for all to see. The art we make are reflections of how we perceive the world and the things we struggle to communicate. But I am learning. Learning to be okay with being vulnerable. To me, growth as an individual is beyond important. This little safe space online is what I feel is the next step in my growth. As an individual, and as an artist.

My hope for Gothic Ray of Sunshine is that it will grow as well, this has been my passion project, taking shape over the course of summer. At the moment it is more of an artistic portfolio, but I hope to be able to share more of my writing as well. Thoughts, experiences, short story excerpts, and maybe poems from another top secret project I’m working on. Eventually, I am also hoping to open up an online shop to sell prints, stickers, and original works. This is just the first step, the first page to a new chapter. As of right now is my site perfect? Not by any means. I still have a lot of artwork I can photograph and upload. And that is completely okay. If I was content on waiting for every little bit to be perfect, and to be 100% confident with myself, it would take me forever to do anything. I am done waiting.

A great man once told me that time waits for no one. No matter what, years will pass and I’ll get older, and what I do with that time is precious. This year has not been an easy one for me, but it gave me a kick in the ass I needed to push forward in life. My mother raised me to be resilient. She called me her survivor, because I pushed through everything life has hit me with. And I grew from all of it. She always wanted me to push myself, and chase what would make me happy in life. Losing her is the most difficult thing I’ve had to grow through, but it has been the catalyst to get me to be less stuck in my life. Because time really does wait for no one.

Making my dreams come true everyday Mom, just like you wanted for me.

Happy Birthday, I love you always.