This project took me about a year and a half to complete, and in the process it changed a lot from the original finished product I had intended. This painting was going to be full of monochromatic blues to make it look frozen, and the title was going to be Icy Heart. I was at a very low point where I was overall very disappointed at where I was in my life, and the intention for the painting was to reflect how sad and lonely I felt at the time.
One of the things I love about painting is that a project can change a lot from start to the time it finishes. As an artist, we are known for feeling everything deeply, and the work we make reflects that constantly. I know when I am sad I can be - not always - much more motivated to create something, anything to distract me from my emotions. But as life goes on, our projects become less of what we want or expect from them, and begin to develop a life of their own.
This painting changed a lot as I processed different pains and experiences, but my favorite addition was when I remembered fundamentally who I am. Just a Gothic Ray of Sunshine. Even when I’m hurting, there is that voice deep within me that knows I am going to be okay. I know I need to feel my anger and hurt and cry and let it out, but I remind myself that the things that are ahead of me, are much more exciting than the moments and pains left behind. I always have my hope that what is meant for me will find me, and the future awaiting me is much greater than all the things I wanted that didn’t work out.
That’s what Planting Tulips means to me. This blind faith that everything will be okay. No matter what you have been through, good things can still come. Even if you’re not perfect because of how you’ve been battered and bruised, you are worth the effort. You owe it to yourself. Flower Study no. 1 and no. 2 were both practices intended to help me understand how to better paint flowers, but they also developed lives of their own. Each stroke of a paintbrush was a labor of love to help me get an idea of what I wanted the flowers to look like in Planting Tulips.
See the full process: https://www.gothicrayofsunshine.com/planting-tulips
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